Mother's Day Reflection: Finding Meaning in the Journey of Grief

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As Mother's Day approaches, we often see it portrayed as a day of celebration, love, and gratitude for mothers. But for so many of us, it's not that simple. For those of us who have lost our mothers, who are estranged, or who have complicated relationships with maternal figures, this day can feel anything but celebratory. It can bring a quiet, heavy grief that others don’t always see—grief that doesn’t fit into the typical "Mother's Day" narrative. It’s a day that highlights what’s missing, what could have been, or what was never there in the first place. For many, Mother's Day can feel like it belongs to everyone but them.

Two years ago, my mother passed away, and in that moment, everything changed. Her death was an incredibly difficult loss, and it reshaped so much of my life. Yet, in the midst of that loss, I also found space to step back and reflect on our relationship—the love, the challenges, and everything in between. The ache of her absence is ever-present, but it’s especially sharp on days like Mother’s Day, when the world around me celebrates what I no longer have.

"Grief is the price we pay for love." — Queen Elizabeth II

But grief isn’t just about death; it comes in many forms. It’s the loss of dreams that never came true, the absence of a loving presence, and the pain of broken relationships. As we navigate Mother's Day, it's important to recognize and honour these different kinds of grief, too. They shape our stories just as much as the losses we see more clearly.

Looking back on my journey through grief, I find comfort in the memories we shared, the things she taught me, and the love she gave me. I remember one day when she patiently taught me how to make fancy painted chocolates—something I wasn’t sure I could pull off. But she guided me step by step, with her quiet support and patience, showing me love through every little action.

I also think back to when I was a wee kid, and I asked her to start my banana. She meant to peel it, but instead, she pulled the whole top off. We both laughed about it for years, and I remember calling her “Super Mom” for being so wonderfully imperfect.

She may not have said “I love you” much, but I always knew she did through her actions—the little things she did for me every day, the way she cared for me without needing to put it into words. Those memories aren't just in the past; they live on in the stories we tell, the traditions we keep, and the sound of her laughter that still echoes in my heart.

As I cope with missing my mom, I find myself drawn to the profound experience of witnessing my daughter embark on her own journey of motherhood. Watching her navigate the joys and challenges of nurturing her own child fills me with a bittersweet blend of pride and longing. I also grieve the mom I had hoped to be. I struggled as a single mom, in a difficult relationship that profoundly damaged our family unit. I worked tirelessly to make ends meet, which often took me away from my two young children—not the life I had dreamed of for myself or them. Yet, through my daughter, I see glimpses of all the matriarchs in our family—my mom, my grandmothers, even myself. It’s a bittersweet reminder that, despite the struggles, the strength, love, and resilience of those who came before me continue to shape us

The Complexity of Grief on Mother's Day

Mother’s Day can be a day full of emotions. For many of us, it’s not just about celebrating love—it’s also about feeling the weight of grief, loss, and longing. It’s okay to feel that mix of emotions. It’s a day to honour not only the women who gave us life but also all the different ways motherhood shows up in our lives. Whether it’s nurturing friendships, acts of compassion, or quiet moments of connection, these forms of love matter just as much.

If you're carrying the weight of grief today, please know you’re not alone. Your story is part of a bigger, shared experience, one that’s built on love and resilience. As we try to balance joy and sorrow, may we find comfort in knowing that our loved ones live on in our memories, in the stories we share, and in the love we continue to carry.

Practical Tips for Navigating Mother’s Day with Mixed Emotions

So, how do we handle a day that can feel so wrapped up in mixed emotions? The truth is, you don’t have to do it the way everyone else does. You get to decide what this day looks like for you.

Celebrate Her Memory

If you’re missing your mother, take time to do something that reminds you of her. Maybe it’s visiting her favourite place, cooking a meal she loved, or flipping through old photos. These small acts can help bring her spirit back into the day and keep her memory alive in your heart.

Nurture Self-Care

Sometimes, the best way to honour this day is by focusing on yourself. Whether it’s taking a quiet walk, journaling, or treating yourself to something special, self-care is a way of showing yourself love and recognizing the strength you have to carry on.

Related: If you’re looking for self-care tips to help with grief, check out my other blogs on navigating grief or explore some of my resources and workbooks to help guide you through. Grief Resources

Connect with Loved Ones

It can really help to be around people who understand what you’re going through. Whether it’s friends, family, or a support group, connecting with others who get it can provide comfort and reassurance that you're not alone.

Channel Into Self-Reflection and Growth

Mother’s Day can also be a time to dive into your emotions, to really explore how you’re feeling. Whether you journal, create art, or find another outlet, allowing yourself space to process grief can be a step towards healing.

Pro tip: If you’re finding it hard to express your grief, somatic therapy might be something to explore. It helps you tune into your body and release the emotions that are stuck.

Create Positive Environments

For those of you in caregiving roles, whether for your own children or others, focus on the love and support you give. Celebrate these connections, recognizing that mothering comes in many different forms, and each one is valuable.

Navigating Mother’s Day Without Her: You Are Not Alone

Mother’s Day without her can feel lonely, but remember, you’re not walking this path alone. Each of us has our own journey with grief, and acknowledging how complex this day can be helps us come together as a community. By sharing our stories and holding space for each other, we can make sure no one feels like they’re walking this journey in isolation.

If you’re looking for support, know that there are resources and groups, including myself, who are here to listen and walk with you on this journey. Grieving takes time—it’s not something to rush—but it’s a journey that leads to growth, understanding, and ultimately, healing.

Related: If you're seeking one-on-one support, feel free to reach out through Inner Sojourn’s grief counselling services.