When You're Not "Over It": Grief, Mental Health, and the Myth of Moving On

innersojourn
May 23
3 min read

Grief isn’t a barrier to mental health—it’s a part of it.

There’s a persistent—and frankly harmful—belief that if you’re still grieving after a few days, weeks, or even months, you must be struggling with your mental health. That you should be back to work, back to normal, back to functioning.

But let’s be clear:

Grief isn’t a disorder. It’s a natural response to loss—and a reflection of how deeply something or someone mattered.

When someone asks me if I’m “still grieving,” I say:

“Are they still dead?”

(Yes.)

“Then yes, I’m still grieving.”

That’s not dysfunction. That’s love. That’s memory. That’s reality.

🧠 Grief and Mental Health: Not the Same Thing

It’s important to understand that grief and mental illness are not the same—and confusing the two can cause real harm.

Yes, grief impacts mental and emotional well-being. It can bring sadness, anxiety, numbness, foggy thinking, or even panic. But that doesn’t mean it needs to be “treated” like a problem.

There is a clinical condition called Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), now recognized in the DSM-5-TR, but it’s rare—affecting about 7–10% of bereaved people. PGD is based on the level of disruption grief causes over time, not how long you’ve been grieving.

💡 You can grieve for years and still be mentally well.

⏳ The Pressure to “Move On” Is Everywhere

Society often encourages “closure” like it’s a destination—something you’re supposed to reach after doing enough journaling, crying, or therapy.

You’ve probably heard:

“You need to move on.”
“Wouldn’t they want you to be happy?”
“Still?? It’s been [insert timeline here].”

But grief doesn’t run on a schedule. It has no expiry date. There is no finish line.

✨ What if we stopped trying to end grief, and instead learned how to live alongside it?

🔄 What Long-Term Grief Actually Looks Like

Long-term grief doesn’t mean you’re crying every day. It might look like:

A quiet moment on their birthday.
Feeling your stomach twist when a familiar song plays.
Catching yourself wanting to call them.
A deep ache during holidays, milestones—or boring Tuesdays.

This isn’t being “stuck.”

It’s you still loving someone who’s no longer here.

💬 Let’s Change the Mental Health Conversation

During Mental Health Awareness Month, we need to expand the narrative.

Mental wellness isn’t about being over it.It’s about making space for what hurts.It’s about knowing that grief is not a failure—it’s part of being human.

Let’s move from:

“You should be over this by now.”

To:

“Of course you’re still grieving. What helps you carry this today?”

🛠️ Support Doesn’t Mean Erasing Grief

You don’t need to be “fixed.” But support helps.

Consider:

Talking with someone who understands grief—not just professionally, but personally.
Creating spaces or rituals where your grief can show up without apology.
Finding language for your experience, even when it’s messy or contradictory.

Grief deserves space.

And you deserve support.

🌱 Final Thoughts

If you’re still grieving—whether it’s been six days or six years—you’re not doing it wrong.

Grief isn’t a sign that you’re broken. It’s a sign that you remember. That you loved. That your loss mattered.

And if someone asks if you are still grieving?

Ask them back

“Are they still dead?”

Then YES— I am still grieving.

And that’s more than okay.

It’s human.

💬 Looking for Support?

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. I offer grief counselling, free monthly in-person support groups. Whether your loss is fresh or has been with you for years, you are welcome here—just as you are.